What Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew About Men

What Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew About Men

Last week, we discussed What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women? Well, this week, we discussed the "flip side" of that question, "What do YOU wish your wives knew about you?" And so today is the "sequel," the "Part 2" to the first broadcast on this subject of husbands and wives understanding each other.

Today, we'll be dealing with the important task of understanding men. You know, a teacher once asked her class of elementary age students to tell her the difference between Mothers' Day and Father's Day. And one little boy raised his hand and said, "Well, they are just about the same....except you don't have to spend as much money for your dad's present!"

Now, as this little boy alluded in his comment, men and women ARE different. Some of the differences have nothing to do with gender - but others do. As we said last week, men and women ARE different both inside and out and the adventure of discovering your spouse's unique qualities and characteristics brings a great deal of joy to marriage.

Now, it is important to say, as we begin, that if we were to list our differences side by side, one list would not be right and the other wrong. These differences are complimentary. They can bring balance and depth and exhilaration to any marriage relationship. But, while it is exciting to try and understand each other, it can also be frustrating for women to understand men.

And the fruit of their frustration is often humor -- at men's expense. I read this week that if women were in charge of the world, all men would have to attend the following seminars: * “How to NOT Act Younger Than Your Children;” “PMS - Learning When To Keep Your Mouth Shut;” “Filling The Ice Trays 101;” “Parenting-It Doesn't End with Conception;” “Garbage-Getting It To The Curb;” “The Remote Control-Overcoming Your Dependence!”

And guys we have to admit that sometimes we deserve this kind of criticism. I heard of a 911 operator in Joliet, Illinois who received a frantic telephone call. A man was shouting on the phone, "My wife is trying to have a baby and the contractions are two minutes apart!" The 911 operator responded, "Is this her first child?" And the man responded, "NO, you idiot, this is her husband!"

But understanding our differences is also important because the secret of intimacy in marriage is in understanding each other's unique needs and committing to meet them. When we selfishly don't care about each other's needs, marriage is a painful thing instead of the blessing God intended.

So let's begin by reminding ourselves of some of the general differences between men and women: First of all, men tend to be more visually-oriented than women who tend to be more auditory.

I remember a pastor and his wife telling about a time the taught a seminar on the subject of sex and marriage. They advertised their class by saying, if you come to our seminar, we will show you our primary sexual organs. And when hundreds of husbands and wives showed up, the pastor pointed to his eyes and said, "Here are my primary sexual organs." and his wife pointed at her ears and said, "Here are mine!" Also, men are usually focused on one thing at a time while women can be multi-focused . . . which is why our wives expect us to be able to watch TV and engage in conversation at the same time! And then....here's another difference-Men tend to seem to care less about relationships than women. This showed up in a couple responses to a recent survey: When asked, "What do you wish your wives knew about you?" one husband said, "less" -- and another wrote, "She already knows too much." I think these men were using humor to say, "Relationships are hard for us to deal with. Let's just leave things be." And speaking as a man, I can say that it IS hard to reveal one's true self. It's risky to let someone inside so they see the real you. Like anything else that is worthwhile, meaningful intimacy comes with a price.

And then, here are some other unique characteristics of men....According to recent article in MEN'S HEALTH magazine the typical man.... * ...will produce about 25 feet of hair in his lifetime but one in five will go bald in their 20's. ...retains about 60 percent of his body weight in water and will produce up to a half gallon of sweat daily. Even though man is not faster than any animal on earth, he can outrun any other species for long distances. He consumes 2,400 calories per day and his body is so efficient that if he ran on gasoline, he would get 900 miles per gallon. The typical male is married and would marry his spouse again. He cries about once a month, approximately one fourth as often as a woman and he usually tries to hide it. He eats his corn on the cob in circles rather than straight across-check that one out next time you serve that entre'!

In his book, Understanding the Man in Your Life, H. Norman Wright adds, "Men snore more...they fight more...they change their minds more often than women do...their blood is redder...their daylight vision is superior.....they have thicker skins and longer vocal chords. Their metabolic rate is higher...more of them are left-handed...they feel pain less than women.....They age earlier but wrinkle later....their immunity against disease is weaker...they talk about themselves less, but worry about themselves more." Dr. James Dobson says there is strong evidence indicating that even the "seat" of emotions in a man's brain is "wired" differently than in a woman's.

So -- men are different than women!

And I think that on the whole men want their wives to at least realize this difference. One husband wrote on his survey "I wish my wife knew how and why we are wired differently"

Another husband said on his survey that he wished his wife, "...would not just know me but better understand me." And these men are wanting the right things for misunderstanding each other causes so many problems when our marriages begin. What usually happens is that a husband, knowing HIS deepest needs, figures his wife has those same needs.

So he enthusiastically goes at it -- trying to meet the deepest needs he thinks she has. The wife knows HER deepest needs and she figures her husband must have the same needs and so with all her might she tries to meet the her needs in him. This only leads to frustration. They accuse each other of being selfish...and say things like, "You won't meet MY needs...You won't do what I need. You won't take care of ME." But often at the beginning of marriage it's not so much selfishness as it's ignorance.

So one goal in presenting these two broadcasts is to begin to build bridges of understanding between husbands and wives. Last week we hopefully built a one-lane bridge leading from husbands to wives and this week we hope to double it's size by adding a lane going the other way -- from wives to husbands.

So,what DO husbands wish their wives knew about men? Well, first off I think we would want to dispel the myth that says that a man's only needs are PHYSICAL. This misconception has led us to say things like, "the way to a man's heart is through his STOMACH." I believe that husbands would say that this philosophy expresses a very shallow opinion of a man. For, deep down in side we have the same types of needs as our wives. Last month I said that women have emotional, relational, and spiritual needs and I think husbands would have to say, "We do too." but in a different -- male-oriented way. Let me explain what I mean. Wives....just like you, we have...